Sniff, Sniff

Today is the first day of school. I can picture most moms happily sending their kids off to school, excited for them and the fun they will be having, but secretly more excited for the quiet house waiting for them. The delayed projects are calling their name and the list of things they will get done are a mile long. Oh I want to be that mom! Instead I dread the first day of school, I could literally sob (heart wrenching sob btw) at just the thought of sending either of my babies to school. I have used a little self control in that aspect and just a few musely tears have leaked out. Well, maybe a couple more than a few.
The funny part about this is that today isn't really even the first day of school for Madi. We just have an orientation which I get to attend WITH HER. What can I say? I'm a little pathetic. I can't even explain it, this sense of overwhelming doom. This sense of the end of everything as I know it. It's as if time is just speeding past and the harder I try to grasp it, to MAKE it slow down, the faster it goes. There is nothing I can do to change that.
I remember an experience that occurred when Madi was just one. Her cousins were over playing with her. She had just gotten a new plastic slide and had been trying to learn how to go down it. She finally mastered it when they were there. I was so proud of her! I thought it was the greatest thing she had ever done and I was so excited for her. I remember calling them over and having them watch her do it. They were like "oh, cool" and they even said it with hardly any enthusiasm! Can you believe it? Almost like they had seen kids go down a slide a thousand times. I was devastated! It was the first time I realized that not everyone will adore her the way I do. Not everyone will think every accomplishment is the most incredible thing ever. Then it even dawned on me, some people might not even like her!
That in a nutshell describes a little bit how I feel. It's like that experience, but on a much bigger scale. I'm putting her out there in a much bigger way. Yes I know she will have friends and they will like her, maybe she'll even get lucky enough to have a teacher that genuinely cares about her, but really, nothing like the adoration of her family. And I won't be there to protect her from all the crap that the world will be throwing at her.
Sigh, I guess this is part of growing up. (I mean me, not her.:))Ouch! It hurts a little. I know these experiences will put my mothering skills to the test. I just really hope I pass! I hope I make it through the orientation without too many tears. I don't want to embarrass Madi too much!